Gratitude

I just had a sweet experience.  One of my primary students just knocked on my door with a handmade note telling me he was thankful for having had me as his teacher this past year.  He started to cry when I told him he would be missed in my class.  His mom and I teared up as well.  Man does it ever feel good to be appreciated!  I seem to have forgotten what that feels like.

Then, just now, I started musing about my own boys when they were young.  About a time when I revealed to Big Boy the truth about St Nicholas.  I was the teller of this secret to my son because he was getting to be an age where kids at school might tease his sweet believing soul.  He looked up at me and instead of the feeling of betrayal most kids might feel his was an expression of thanks.  "All that time it was you?" he said in amazement.  "Yep- I am Santa's helper" said I.  "Gee, Mom- THANKS!" was what came next out of his mouth, and then lots of questions about how on earth we could afford it.  Typical first child worries.

I need to remember that sweet guy in there.  I know he is still in there somewhere underneath all the hormones.  I'm glad my primary student came by today to remind me...

Are you Ready?

Are you ready for Christmas?  I almost am!  I still need to do a few small things like buy enough gift bags and send off my Christmas cards but I am about there.  Oh- I do have a sewing project to make but if that doesn't happen then I will just rejoice in the fact that I have a daughter with a birthday on Dec 31st!  Nothing like putting off something for another celebration and pretending you were totally on top of it.

This year my tendency to get it done early came back to bite me.  My husband was shopping with a couple kids for our family's secret Santa gift exchange and my oldest saw a book he has been pining for.  He had enough money to buy it for himself but my husband (knowing I had it in store for him for Christmas), would not let him buy it.  I am convinced more and more that the teenager stage is very similar to the terrible-two-tantrum stage, because the rest of the evening was just one big tantrum.  When he figured out why he couldn't buy his book he got super mad at me (of course me!) for always buying things too early.  I guess they should just call social services on me because I shop early.  Shame on me.

I really felt bad that I had a son who would have this illogical/spoiled reaction.  Telling me I ruin Christmas every year for him because I don't consider what he wants and give him enough time to come up with a wish list.  I am half tempted to give him nottin' for Christmas 'cause he ain't been nottin' but bad.  But part of me thinks that is just a revengeful thought.  We were just going to get him luggage for college but that seemed a bit sad so he had a few other real gifts... but now?  Not so sure...  Oh how I wish I had a magic 8 ball telling me what to do.

Another puzzle lately is Big Girl.  She just hasn't been herself lately.  I don't know if it's the anticipation of the holidays stressing her out, or a girl at school who has been a bit of a bully, or her big brothers teasing her but she is an emotional mess.  Maybe I am not so used to girls and their emotions.  She did have a bit of shell shock last week when cutting off all her hair to donate.  I thought that had worn off though.  This morning she was so blue I started getting worried.  The thought came to me while cleaning up the dishes that perhaps she just needs me to paint her nails with crackle nail polish.  She has been asking for some.  I have been meaning to get some.  But what she's really in need of isn't the manicure, it's the time with me.  It's my approval.  I hate the kinds of TV shows she chooses (Sonny with a Chance, Wizard's of Waverly Place),  and when I show my dislike for such shows claiming they are too mature for an 8 yr old she gets super offended.  Like I don't like her or something.  Should I give Sonny a chance? Or hold my ground here?  Not sure...

Before Big Cut

After

The look on her face says it all...

Now we just need to mail these braids to Locks of Love

Dear Santa what I really want this year for Christmas is the insight of my mother who is no longer here to ask advise from.  She'd know just how to fix these problems I keep having.  In the mean time I am off to buy crackle nail polish and try to paint my way back onto her good side today after school...

The Purge Before the Binge

So it all started when I was getting ready for a visit from a relative.  I'm wired to start organizing only when I know someone may be looking in these closets with a judgmental eye.  And really, who does that better than a visiting sister right?  So the linen closet and medicine cabinets got the once over.  Purging expired medication and other odds and ends I wasn't using felt liberating.  Our 40 yr old house wasn't build with roomy closets either so extra space is a blessed thing here.

My sister came and went, and I'm not sure we slowed down long enough for her to look inside any of my medicine cabinets, but it felt good knowing they were cleared out.  On November 29th I felt the need to purge again due to a truck picking up donations in my neighborhood the following day.  Alas I read the date wrong and what I thought read Nov 30th was actually Nov 03.  So 8 bags of stuff from my playroom now sit in the corner waiting to be asked to the prom (just kidding- I am aware that there is no prom for discarded playroom toys, I just liked saying that).  That's a lot of toys that I now have to keep secret from my children until the next pick up.  Big Boy is the most sentimental of all of my kids and he has already unloaded one trash bag full of stuffed animals.  Some have not been played with for 4-5 years.  Maybe he will find some room in that new Samsonite luggage of his for the 4 ft stuffed alligator he loves so much.

My purging has not stopped with the toy room.  For the better part of a day I spent my time sweating over the stuff of my laundry room all the while thinking of stuff I could be putting in this place instead.  Food storage instead of leaky air mattresses.  New camping gear instead of outgrown snow boots.  I even got rid of all the unmatched solo mittens.  I tell ya, nothing (almost) feels better than getting rid of unused items just taking up space.  To me it even beats bringing home something new.  So now I have several trash bags taking up space just waiting to be donated.  My husband may have to help me load up the van on his next day off.  I'm used to moving every 3-4 years with the military, which forces one to do this sort of thing.  It looks as if we are here for a while though so I need to force-purge.

So all this getting rid of stuff comes before the Christmas Holiday where we will accumulate more stuff to fill those empty spaces, but I am figuring something out this year, something new.  When I see the things that go unused (some of which are gifts from last year still unopened!)  I tell myself to slow down and be more thoughtful about what I get.  We don't really need stuff do we?  What we really need is more time together.  Time to enjoy one another.  Experiences mean more to me than things.  So this year as I wade through the stuff of Christmas pasts, I am hoping to make my gifts more thoughtful and meaningful and less.  Just less stuff.  Even the stocking stuffers I am purchasing with more sense of purpose.  Maybe nobody will notice my emphasis this year.  Maybe by the 24th it will end up being the same overload of things.  Still I feel like this purging has given me a bit of perspective.  It's like the Grinch learned on Christmas morning... that Christmas doesn't come from a store.

Merry Christmas to you!  Hope you don't get too much this year : )

Long Time No Blog

Hi Blog!
I will tell you a reason I have been a blog-slacker lately.  My Silver Bullet died.  The Silver Bullet was my laptop that sat at the kitchen table and it was old.  Silver Bullet was a misnomer because it was the slowest of our 3 computers.  It was silver though... sigh, I will miss her.  She was the most accessible being in the kitchen and since she was old I didn't bother worrying about eating while serving the web on her.  The cord tripped me and bent so badly coming out of the S. Bullet that it is not repairable.  Since the computer was on it's last legs anyways, it's probably best just to let her rest in peace.  I miss her though.  The playroom is just too far away to go to unless there is something I really need to do.  The other computer has an uncomfortable stool you sit on in a cramped space and makes me feel icky when I sit at it for too long.  This is where I sit now and my lower back begs for me to quit.  Let's hope Santa is generous this year and I get a replacement.  One can't be too hopeful though since I did get the newest iphone for my birthday last month.  It's pretty much replaced Silver Bullet and then some.  Love that Siri feature!!

Anyhow, I am blogging tonight about my Christmas preparations.... boring?  Maybe but I thought it worth mentioning that I have a son (Little Boy) who is so quirky and he is asking for some crazy stuff from me this year.  He is 12 and a 7th grader this year- so keep that in mind.  Most kids grow out of the 'toy' stage and want video games or clothes or phones, etc.  He has asked me for a mini fridge.  Yes- it's true, a mini fridge.  Maybe that isn't so out there because what kid wouldn't want cold soda in their room?  He's not getting a mini fridge.  Nor does he get a lot of soda.  I just think it's odd that he thinks he has a chance at one.  He knows how I feel about eating outside of the kitchen.  This doesn't mean he follows this rule, but he knows.  The other thing he has asked for is a U-shaped travel pillow.  The kind you use to take a nap when flying somewhere.  He is by no means a frequent flyer.  I have no idea why he wants this.  He then added another item to his wish list today.  The boy wants a stop watch.  "The circular kind they use in the movies that you hang on a chain" I am beginning to think he might be an old man, possibly the man from the game Monopoly...  Next he will be asking for a top hat and a monocle.

The other observation I have is my 4 yr old seems to have a keen eye for what people may want/need for Christmas gifts.  I believe she may have inherited this from me!  No lie- I am an observer and take note when people express an interest in something.... and then I give it to them!  Doesn't that make you want me for a friend?  Well the reason I think she also has my gift is that when I asked her what she thought Grandpa T would like for Christmas she stated that Grandpa would like marbles.  When I asked why she said "he collects them."  Then I remembered our visit there in October when Grandma T got out a box of marbles that she told us where Grandpas when he was a boy.  I then asked what she thought I should buy for her Father and she said pajama tops because he only has the bottoms.  Know what?  She is exactly right on that!  My husband prefers his undershirt to pajama tops.  She must be a super observer like her older brother Middle Boy....  (who's name she happened to pick for Secret Santa and she wants to replace his deceased hamster with a new one. So thoughtful!)

Well, I think I need a back massage now as this stool is killing me-this writing spot is not my happy place.

Here's hoping that your holiday shopping is going as well as possible!!  If you need any tips just let Little Girl know, she has all the answers.

Blogging instead of Brining

I got up early to brine the Turkey.  I am now distracted by the internet, and I'm thinking I may have missed the brining boat anyways.  As I recall it didn't make a huge difference last year so I am not going to cry big salty tears over it.  Although, now that I think about it... huge salty kosher tears may help tender my bird a bit.  Perhaps I should think of something sad while giving him his sink bath and paper towel pat down.  It wouldn't take much to make me cry as I am a crier by nature.  I cry these days when thinking about my poor suffering brother.  I cry over a misunderstanding I have recently had with someone, I cry while listening to This American Life, I cry when I think about my oldest leaving the nest.  Well... for that last one maybe I just get misty.  He can still be a teenager you know.

But on this Thanksgiving morning I should not be thinking about sad things.  I should be focusing on what I have to be thankful for.  For I truly believe that when you are down, all you need to do is make a list of what is good in your life and things will start to look up.  It's a tried and tested theory in my life.  And giving thanks IS my love language after all.  So here goes!

Lately I have been thankful for my body.  I know- weird right?  But as I progress in years I look at my mortality a bit more and think about what I can do to make this vehicle last for the long haul and not have it get in my way by slowing me down with problems.  So for totally selfish reasons I have started working out with more regularity.  I've stopped making excuses like "my bed is too comfy this morning" and I have been walking with some friends (about 3 miles) each morning.  I tried running but my body just isn't there yet.  I get ankle and foot pain that tells me to stop.  And yes, I have good shoes.  I have also been taking an intense 'cage fitness' class on Tuesdays.  I like telling people that "I am training to be a cage fighter" and then I watch for signs of a Napoleon Dynamite fan.  It's a good litmus test for coolness.  So the fun part has been seeing myself progress.  It has been good and I am proud of myself.  I have now lost 10 lbs due to this and eating better.  So I can say that I am thankful for my body this Thanksgiving.  Then I can eat with careless abandon and feel sick afterwards!  (Seriously- I tried eating pizza and fries the other day for my birthday and I about vomited afterwards.  I think my body was rebelling..... what's up with that?!)

I am thankful for the Gospel in my life.  I look around at the things of the world and all it's madness and I am so grateful for the guidance I have.  I am so glad I was raised the way I was -in a religious home.  For things that just come naturally to me, like eating meals together, spending time together as a family, praying and reading scriptures as a family.  Those things have made a huge difference in my life and I hope to pass it on.  My church means everything to me.

I am thankful (every day) that we have enough money.  Things have been tight in the past and I am grateful for those times too and for the lessons that struggle brings.  This year, however, I am thankful for the abundance we have been blessed with.  All those years in school and residency were worth it.  Now don't get crazy thinking we are rich.  We aren't.  But I am thankful we can give our children braces and music lessons with out sweating it too much.  Now I am thinking we need to pay it forward and bless someone else.  What a better way to show gratitude than to help someone else?

Well now it's almost 8:00 am and I'm thinking it's time to roast the mushrooms for the stuffing.  Can't miss that boat! (the mushroom boat- ha!)  Here's to hoping that Big Boy won't even notice them in the mix.

Happy Thanksgiving to my bloggy friends!!!

Samsonite vs Superman

This year for Christmas I am fully expecting my oldest son to be disappointed.  The reason being that he will be getting no fun stuff for the holidays.  We need to outfit this baby bird for leaving the nest soon and that means getting things like bedding for a dorm room, a plastic trash can, a cheap full-length mirror, a year supply of Ramen, possibly a laptop, and his own luggage.

I recently found a good deal on some Samsonite luggage, so I bought him two suitcases online.  When the packages arrived outside my door I wondered where I could hide such big boxes until December 25th.  I decided to shelf them in the garage and hoped that all the other clutter would camouflage the existence of my practical surprise.  I tried turning the box so that the word 'Samsonite' would not be so obvious.  Unfortunately the advertising appears on more than one side of the box.  I knew that my oldest would be none the wiser.  However, my second child has super observation powers, and I mentioned to my husband that it would probably take less than 3 hours before he would start questioning us.  I think I was pretty much dead on.  Middle Boy asked my husband in the car "what does Samsonite stand for?"  My husband said "I'm pretty sure that's something your mother wants to be kept a secret- but I am also sure it won't take you long to figure it out..." The challenge was on.

A few days later my sweetheart and I  had a small getaway opportunity thanks to a visiting sister.  We had to get our luggage out from under the stairs. As soon as the brand on our luggage was noticed by our 2nd son we heard him moan "So that's what's in the boxes!  I was hoping for something more fun than that!"  Sorry to disappoint.  Also sorry to say that they are not for him.  This time the word Samsonite was brought up again in the company of my 12 yr old boy (Little Boy).  He walked in totally unaware (as is his norm) and spoke up with the statement "Isn't Samsonite the thing that weakens Superman?"  We all had a good laugh at that one.

Big Boy is still clueless about what is inside those mystery boxes in plain sight.  Let's hope it stays that way for a bit longer.  If only my nemesis can keep his big mouth shut.

Re-Cap

October has been a whirlwind.  To cap it off we ended with our first snow of the season two days before Halloween.  We have had some challenges this month.  I had two weeks worth of headaches that ended in an emergency root canal.  Hate having a root canal, but love having no more headaches.  Luckily we figured out the problem on the day before we had tickets to see Les Miserables at the Kennedy Center.  Otherwise I would have been one miserables audience member.  My appointment with the endodontist was quite the event.  Because of the emergency situation I had to bring my two youngest with me and they weren't able to come back in the room during my proceedure.  I cringed when I saw the lack of child friendly items in their waiting room.  However with the help of Big Girl and her awesome imagination, they played 'where did I hide the hair-clip on my body' for an hour and a half.  The receptionist was super impressed.

T has been quite busy at work this month.  November will be a welcome break.  We even have a relative coming to spare us for an over-night-escape.  We still need to plan where we will go, but it won't matter as long as we are alone and in love : ) And I truly love that man.  I remember how I used to fret when he'd be gone for work too much, but now I seem to take it in stride knowing that at least when he is here, he is all here.  He spends his time devoted to us, not sitting in front of the computer or the TV.  It also helps knowing that he does not wish to be away.  It's just as hard for him to be away from us as it is for me to fly solo when he isn't here.  I wish I had learned this lesson back in residency.  I would have been happier.  Perhaps the deployment has helped me gain this mature perspective.

Middle Boy had a birthday on 10-10.  He made me a list of things he wanted.  He then rated the wanted items with a '1' or a '2' based on the amount of desire he had for said items.  Here was his list... Psyche (season 5)-1, a set of nun chucks-2 (yeah right!), a cool ping pong paddle-1 (the boys are obsessed with this game lately), a Hollister sweatshirt-2, money-1, video game (Prince of Persia)-2, a cool tie-1 (this kid is into fashion), moccasins-1, head phones-2, paint ball gun-1 (another yeah right!).  What can I say? The boy dreams big.  Here are some photos of what he did score on his big 15 yr old day...

A slick new paddle we'll call the Black Mambaaaaaa!

He loves Phyche... He also has brilliant powers of observation just like the main character from the sitcom.

Ah, the smell of money!  He loves money too.

We found his missing cell phone earlier this day so we wrapped it up as a surprise.

He was thrilled and instantly went into txt mode

Sharing an Appreciation

Hello dusty blog that I have not written in for so long.  How are things?  I have been absent for what seems like a while but really, it's been less than a week.  Sometimes I try and stay away from blogging and focus on the important stuff.  Then an idea will come to me that I feel just needs to be written down.  Life gets in the way sometimes too.  That is what has been happening to me lately.  A lot of life.  But it's time to get back on the horse.

I was in charge of a relief society meeting this month.  My area of focus was marital and family relations.  I called upon LDS social services to recommend a therapist to speak to us.  After a lot of phone tag and schedule re-arranging, I had a speaker.  She did a great job.  Since it was Halloween I tried to throw in a spooky theme.  Some may have not appreciated my flyer, but overall I had a good response...

Relationships Can Be Scary!

Come to this month’s Relief Society meeting to keep things on the right track.

It was odd that a new family moved into the ward the same week as my announcement was posted all over the church with the last name of Adams.  

So since our session with the marriage and family therapist we have a new way of speaking to one another in my home.  We ask "may I have a discussion with you?" permission is (sometimes) granted, and then we proceed with "when you did _______ it made me feel_______" this is then repeated back by the listener.  As cheesy as it might sound it has helped work out a few differences where I thought no resolution was in clear sight.  

There is also the even funnier "may I show an appreciation for you?"  "yes you may"  "I admire your sense of style" or "I like the way you make dinner" etc etc.  The problem with the wording of this one is that my smart alec son likes to say that 'sharing an appreciation' is sharing information about something monetary that has gone up in value recently.  Cheeky!  

So readers, may I share an appreciation with you?  Thanks for reading and commenting on my slow moving blog.  It makes me feel validated and listened to.  Thank you!

SO grateful!

I have had the most stressed out day.  Today was the day of my brother's surgery for a racquetball sized tumor that had been found in the right side of his face.  He has been at the Mayo clinic receiving treatment. He has 8 children.  He is one of the most good natured people you will ever EVER encounter.  I was pretty upset with God for choosing someone as great as my brother to do this sort of thing to.  First He took my nearly perfect mother 22 years ago (cancer) and now my even more perfect brother!  Not FAIR!  I found myself killing ants the day after I heard this awful news about Eric and as I smashed them with my angry thumb I thought to myself "this is what God does.... he says 'I'm taking you, and now you, and you're next... smash smash smash'"  It took me a few days to simmer down but once I humbled myself a bit I started in asking for forgiveness first and for favors next.  Eric and his family have been the subject of much fasting and prayer around here.  I've been so worried at times that I have unloaded my bad new on unsuspecting check-out clerks, walking buddies, and today on a pre-school teacher who wasn't even my kid's teacher.  We were just sitting on the bench together watching the kids play outside on the playground  and the next thing you knew I was spilling it out for her.  I mentioned my name to her upon parting.  Poor lady must have thought I was losing it.  I am.

Today, on surgery day, as I thought about how mangled my brother's new face might look, I forgot to bring a field trip permission slip along with 6.00 that was due.  I asked for a new one.  I went home, showered, looked up gross facial reconstruction photos on the internet, stressed out, went grocery shopping and tried not to tear up in public as I went through the self check out.  I was in a hurry to pick up Little Girl from pre-school and forgot to pay for a gift card...  When I realized, (in the parking lot) my mistake, I looked up to the heavens and promised that I would be honest and return to pay if He would grant a miracle on the surgical table today.  He must really care about that 15.00 I owed Safeway because a miracle was granted (and yes I did return and pay).  I don't even care that I had to humble myself (again!) and ask for a 2nd field trip permission form in front of the one lady at pre-school who annoys me.  Eric's surgery went great!  So much better than we had thought.  You can read about it here.  He started his blog as an update for family but he is such a great writer that you might just want to scan back and start from the beginning.  You will see why I am so inspired by this perfect brother of mine.  Thank you to all of you who have been praying for him and his family.

Eric and almost all of his family before leaving for his surgery.

Right Now

Right now there is laundry to do, a flower girl dress to sew, sleep to be had, and a chocolate bar in the cupboard calling my name repeatedly.  'NO Hershey!' I shout back to it.  So I type on my blog instead to vent-my-thoughts.  Here is what is boaring holes in my brain tonight.
1-My perfect brother Eric has cancer and it's pretty bad...
2-My teenager is being a teenager.  Bad teenager Bad!
3-I need to finish sewing Little Girl's flower girl dress in the next 5 days before we head to Provo for my sister's wedding.
4-I seem to be coming down with another cold just before our flight and that really makes me mad!
5-My bad teenager gave me this cold (same as last time).  I want to put a safety bubble between us from now on.  Perhaps this bubble could have multiple purposes....  less germs, less arguing.  I love him, but he's killing me.  Killing me softly.
6-I am amazed that there is not a single slip to be purchased in the area.  I wanted to get the puffy kind to wear under the dresses for the flower girls (Big & Little Girl are both in the wedding).  When I asked the salesman if they had petticoats he showed me something like this:

Yes, a petite coat indeed.  Not a petticoat though.  That man had no business working in a little girl's dress shop.  Either that or I need to pronounce things better.  Even the bridal shop with fancy little girl's dresses had no such thing as a petticoat.  Is this the reason for the decline in morals in our society?  I know my step mom used to get a bit worked up if we pre-teens didn't wear our slips.  Perhaps I should write my congressman and let him know.  Life goes on.  Luckily you can buy things on the internet.  I am proof of that I tell ya!  Unluckily I sometimes get things wrong when ordering online.  I click things twice and get double what I wanted.  I misjudge sizes, I imagine things better then they really are in real life.  I then put these unwanted items in the closet with the intent of mailing them back.  Sometimes  my closet works like the Bermuda Triangle though and I forget all about them.  I bet I have quite a bit of money saved up in returns right there.  You could look at the bright side and say that when I do get around to returning them, that my Christmas savings will have been right there in the closet the entire year!  

I guess that is all the rambling I will do for tonight.  Please pray for my brother.  I think I will go get that chocolate bar now.

Kelly