Well wouldn't you know it, just as I was getting cocky, thinking I was making great strides in the parenting department, the weekend had to go and happen. Turns out I am much more patient when they are away at school for 8 hours. Saturday I tried to plan something that would get us out of the house and also motivate them to do some chores. We went to see the movie Gnomeo and Juliet. I had heard that it was surprisingly clever. I wish I had not heard that because I'm afraid I raised the bar a bit too high. It was worth it to see my 4 yr old laughing her head of next to me though. I just love seeing their personalities blossom. She has quite a sense of humor that one. Big Boy and I had a harder day. He was especially cranky and wanted to argue over everything. I kept my cool but it was not easy. Later on the way home from the movies he turned on me hard after I mentioned his taking all the hot water for his shower again today. It must have been bad timing for me to mention such a thing because this is what he said to me "Did you know that there hasn't been a moment this entire day where I wasn't seething with anger towards you?!" I had to smile underneath the shock of it. Dramatics always make me a bit silly inside. "Really?" I replied. "Should I be afraid for my life?" Being dramatic in return may have not been the wisest choice and a bit of a seed-planter as well. "Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind" was his quick reply. I wish I could have eaten those words prompting his death threat, or just have been quiet after that. Why can't I? I know one shouldn't take their teenagers words personally. It's just the hormones talking right? But what is hard for me is this... Where do you draw the line between letting things run off your back and ignoring the insult, or saying 'that's enough, you just crossed a line buddy- you cannot do that' I went with the 'that's enough' parenting this time. Will he learn from my punishments not to threaten his mother's life (even in jest)? I hope so. But more than likely he will just think I am mean.
Family night tonight was both great and awful. There was charades (great!) and then there was a cheating accusation (awful). There was poster decorating for T's return and at one point someone said "our family is really cool" (great!) Then one of the boys shouted "shut-up!" and that was awful. The worst of it was that he was telling me to shut up. He spent the rest of the night in his room and couldn't be coaxed out even with two girl scout cookies. But to be fair, they were the trefoils. The dog ate them off the floor. The most I could get out of him was that he was over-reacting to me because of something I had done earlier to make him feel/look stupid. I can't for the life of me think of what that could have been. And he fell asleep before we could talk it all out. Maybe that is what he needed was sleep. Frankly, it's what I need too. My nights sleep was awful last night. T will be home tomorrow so HOORAY! We will all be more sane with him around I think/hope.
On the bright side we got our tax returns and I am secretly spending it (in my head) on furniture. We need something to help out with limited space in our kitchen and I am thinking possibly an island from IKEA. While I was at it, I looked into a secretary desk from Ebay to put the lap top on in our kitchen/dining area. I am tired of using the kitchen table for my lap top and moving it around for meal times all the time. But we are limited on space in here. Do you like this one or this one better? I am torn myself. Probably we will end up with neither. Do you think I can convince my spouse that these options are cheaper than a kitchen remodel thus making him happily skip on over to IKEA and buy me that island? He hates the idea of cheap furniture from IKEA. Maybe the walnut antique Ebay desk will balance things out. Maybe not. Because when I started talking furniture to T on the phone earlier today he quickly told me he was falling asleep. Maybe I should do the same when he starts talking about buying a new road bike....
Stuff I write about.... How's that for creative?
7 comments:
Sorry you had a hard time with your teenager. Does he read your blog? That might not help! Adam is always one of the first to read my blog, so I have to be careful what I say about him. However, he doesn't read the comment section on your blog, so I'm O.K. here.
He had a BAD weekend too. Actually Lyle and I were gone all day Saturday in Seattle and when we got home late we asked him how his big paper and his physics packet went. "Ummmm, I didn't do either one." He hadn't done ANYTHING. So, of course, on Sunday he was scrambling and making everyone else miserable and stomping around and throwing a fit. He did come down later that night and apologize but then the next morning he wouldn't get up for seminary because he said he was too tired due to staying up late the night before to do homework. I reminded him that I was up the whole time too and here I was, making him breakfast. He would not be budged.
THEN, I told him that he better get ready to take the bus to school because our deal was that the car goes to seminary. He had a fit and stomped around and then "remembered" that he had another assignment that he simply had to get done that morning for school, so obviously he couldn't go to seminary. He finished his assignment and then I told him to go catch the bus. He yelled, "But I WAS going to seminary! I just had to do some homework! Are you going to punish me for doing homework?!"
Anyway, that's been pretty much par for the course these past few days.
Ah Eileen I can always count on you to make me feel good in this way. I have been told often by people who know that the only way to make it through the teenage years are to commiserate with another parent of a teenager. My teens don't read my blog except on rare occasions. Lucky I can vent there (although I probably shouldn't)...
Sending sympathy your way. This is not meant to be any kind of solution for you, because we all know that I am struggling enough to find my own, but while I was reading your post, I thought of a book I once read. It's called "Get Out of My Life! But First Will You Take Me and Sharon to the Mall?" I remember not endorsing every idea in it, but there was one that I have found particularly useful in letting myself off the hook sometimes. The author talks about how teenagers need the boundaries reinforced, but that can often be accomplished simply by stating that they have crossed the line. It is not always necessary for there to be "consequences" in the way that I was used to thinking about them. "You were late for curfew last night. Your curfew is still x o'clock. Please remember your curfew." The end. Parenting task accomplished. They know you're watching and you care, and sometimes--not always, I know--but sometimes that is enough.
Sounds like a great book Candace. That is exactly what I was asking actually in this post. Because I hate having to follow up with enforcing stuff. Maybe just saying "that wasn't an appropriate thing to say to me "would have been enough. Sometimes we react in the heat of the moment (at least I do) too often.
Hang in there, Kel. Soon he'll be gone, then you'll pine for a sarcastic or sharp word from his teenager-y lips! At least this is what I keep telling myself.
You just keep telling yourself that Trace.
I remember those "good old days" like it was just yesterday, wait, I still have a teenager at home! It was just yesterday!
I think sleep deprivation is a big factor in teenage reactions, that and the fact that they don't have all their brain cells functioning properly! I'm sure you're happy T is back. It helps to have 2 parents deal with the kids!
Hang in there. It does get better.
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