My Mother's Day

In September 2001 I started a memory book for my oldest son.  He was just about to start a new school in Maryland as a second grader and I wrote how nervous he was because he had heard they taught fractions in his new school and that wasn't on the agenda at his old school in Iowa.  He was excited to walk to his new school just around the corner.  As a student who took his mother's van to school he had envied those walking children.  He still prefers not to drive it would seem.  Putting off his driver's license seems foreign to me.

I stumbled across this book this morning, while sorting. It is now the day after mother's day 2011.  I hadn't written very many entries in the book.  In fact the last entry was just as he was about to turn eight.  I must have been busy.  I decided to sit down and write something in it this morning.  I needed some writing therapy.  Mother's day was wonderful, but also hard.  I wrote about the almost-man he is today.  I left out the part where he was running around in the park with his head tucked into his shirt, trying to scare his brother.  He is 17 in body but not always in spirit.  

I spent a lot of time yesterday musing about his future.  Another kid at church who is of age to be on his mission is still at home.  He has had a great upbringing in the church but just doesn't seem ready to go yet.  Will my son be ready?  Dinner times are often silly.  Respect for mom not always what it should be.  Is there a push at the end before 19 where they mature overnight?  That is what I am praying for.  

And yet on Mother's day we reflect about our job as mothers and think "what happened|?'  or "I could have been better."  I know that as recently as Saturday I could have done better.  Where does the fault lie?  With the upbringing or the individual?  Both?  I wonder.  

Mother's Day is also hard because my own mother has passed.  My step mother now too.  The week before mother's day I had my kids signing a card for their new step Grandmother.  "Thanks for being my new Grandma, can't wait to meet you!"  or "Thanks for Mothering my Dad" we wrote.  Should I have called on Mother's Day too?  I thought maybe I'd leave time in her day to hear from her actual offspring first.  I'll call today perhaps.  She is a wonderful addition to our family.

I am grateful for the mother I had for 20 years.  She was a great example of patience, kindness and good child psychology.  I don't believe she had any faults.  It's a hard act for a mother like me to follow.  I hope all the mothers out there had a great day yesterday.  I was spoiled with waffles, bacon and hash browns in bed and a shiny new stainless steel trash can with a silent slow closing lid.  As any mother knows... more silence is a good thing.  A very good thing.

Baby Girl on during her first week home.  What an awesome Mother I was...