Saving it for Me

So our family is back together again now that the 2 older boys are back from scout camp and Big Boy just got back from pioneer trek.  Cub scout day camp ended at the same time for Little Boy.  Swimming lessons start soon for Big Girl.  Oh and how can I forget the one week of lacrosse camp that cost us an arm and a leg to get the boys equipped for?  I need to call and set up some summer time violin lessons for 2 boys and piano for the others.  I am hesitant to do so because it will involve more driving and I already log way too much time in that driver's seat.  Our car's DVD player was once to be used only during vacation-time road trips.  Now it has become a regularly used item to keep Baby Girl happy in transit.  I know I should have classical music, stimulating conversation, and uplifting books on tape going for them at all times, but sadly it's more like Slurpies, punching, and Nacho Libre back there...

But it has been nice to have everyone around the dinner table at night once again.  Everyone except my husband that is.  T has had a rough month and has sometimes not been home from work until after dark.  Such is the life of an MD I guess.  Amazing how I used to get worked up about such things and now I just shrug them off as part-of-the-deal.  At least he is coming home right?  Not like when he was in Iraq.

So when I picked up Big Boy from his trek experience I had a brief interaction with his 'Ma' (pretend mother for the weekend), and she praised my son up and down.  She told me "He was such a great kid, wonderful helper, etc"  Then she told me "He is going to make such a delightful adult to befriend when he grows up!"  I thought that was an interesting comment to make.  She seemed sincere enough. Hmm... Maybe I don't appreciate him like I should.  Or maybe she doesn't know him like I do.  Probably both.

He was helpful and in good spirits for a day.  Not letting me lift his gear as we went to load up and leave.  Then today I was left scratching my head a bit when I had to re-call him again and again to do a specific job.  I interrupted his job of doing the dishes to ask that he take some old kitchen washcloths to the laundry.  The next thing you know he was outside playing in the back yard.  When I questioned his abilities to stick to a hard job with 'Ma' but not with me (the real deal), he responded with the excuse that it was because he knew me.

"Let me get this straight, you are capable of staying on task, but because you are familiar with me you blow me off?"  What is up with that!?

"Well the door was open, I went to shut it and the outdoors called to me"

"But that would not have happened on trek?"

"Nope"

"Why not?"

"Because we were always outside there"

And off he went,

without finishing his job....

Take Me Out

This is Little Boy's 3rd season of playing baseball.  He was a little firecracker the first year we threw him in there.  He was the kid that when his turn at bat came, the other coach yelled "outfielders, back way up!" That always made feel so glad and proud.  The 2nd year was much the same. "CRACK!" and off he'd run.   Fierce in the T-ball/coach-pitch phase of his baseball career.  Not so much now.  Blame it on the kids now being the pitchers (they stink!). Blame it on all our military moves and dealing with new teams and new systems (no weekly practices!? What's that about?). Blame it on the couple years he took off to play soccer.  Or as Milli Vanilli mouthed, you could 'blame it on the rain that was falling falling' all season long interrupting countless games.  I don't know, blame it on something.  Just don't blame my kid 'cause I'm sensitive.

I am probably sensitively recalling my days in elementary school as a non-athlete.  I was a delicate thing, who when rotation demanded that I take my turn serving the volleyball, the PE teacher told me I could take 2 giant steps forward.  Even then, I was lucky to get it over the net.  And MAN did that hard ball hurt my poor wittle wrists!  (said like Tweedy Bird please).

My husband, T, can't relate at all- he was a little league champ year after year and ended up in the 'All-Stars.'  He played in high school and was also on the swim team.  Oh how I'd hoped that my kids would inherit his talents.  I think they did actually, but what they didn't inherit was a father who is around a lot to teach them.  (Ouch!  I know, there's that blaming).  Sorry sweetie!  

I also feel that baseball is a pretty psychological game.  When they are at bat with all eyes on them, it doesn't matter that they can hit it every time in practice.  Their little nerves get the best of them.  It was the same thing with Middle Boy, his older brother.  He'd hit home runs in practice but the entire season he wouldn't even swing during a game.  What is up with that!?  Nothing we could say made any difference. 

I made a poor parenting decision this year.  I was so sure that my Little Boy, (based on years one and two mind you), would be loving it once things fell into place that I told him to let me sign him up and if he didn't like it he could quit.  Well- he doesn't like it and his Dad won't let him quit.  I don't exactly want him to be a quitter either, but each game is like torture!  What to say... what to not say.  He is a champion walker, but I just know he has it in him.  If we go play as a family he hits things right and left.  It's amazing.  

I will try my best in the future not to make promises I can't keep.  And to discuss them with my spouse.  Little Boy lets me know each time he has to put on the cleats that I told him he could quit.  I am still torn.  Parenting is also a phycological game, have you noticed?
We are now in the playoffs (single elimination) and last night got rained out so tonight's make-up game approaches and I have two places to be at one time and no husband at home.  Clouds are forming.... What to do?  The excellent team they are up against has beaten us once and the last game we played against them (which was the last game played) we pulled ahead at the end and won.  It should be exciting.  But is my boy excited?  Nope! The only thing that gets him through is the promise of a donut at the end of the game.  Now there is a boy after my own heart!

  

Summer Time Blues

"School's almost out you know" Big Girl announced today.

Reading over her part for Friday's 'play' confirmed the fact. It said, and I quote:

"Only 7 more days of school and the sun is shinning. Let's go climb a tree!"

What, is that panic I feel????

Could it be that I am worried that my sometimes frazzled weekend-self will be ever present from June 15th through Aug 27th? What am a going to do when my teenager is mouthy for too many hours in a row during the day? Or what about when the fighting begins, and never ends? How am I going to occupy their time? And mine? I need a silver lining here.

Think.... Think....Relatives are coming. There's one. I will have a babysitter at home during the day again... There's two!  Beach anyone?

Maybe I can get Big Girl into sewing with me. Then there's scout camp and lacrosse camp. The pool is just a walk away! Tomatoes are in the ground. Here come the BLTs, I can taste them now. We can sleep in, and go to matinees, eat frozen yogurt and gaze at the stars with Big Boy's telescope.  7 more days, and although it's raining, let's go climb a tree!

Tutelage

The other day I used the word tutelage.  I think it was in reference to one of my son's wanting to play a new sport.  "Lacrosse sounds like a fun sport for you to try but maybe a camp this summer would help before we join a team.  Things  may work better after some tutelage."  My 15 year old thought that was the funniest things he had ever heard... ever.  "Did you just use the word tutelage?!" he giggled.  "Yes" I said knowing it was probably just funny/unfamiliar sounding.  No.  That wasn't it.  Then I remembered an answering machine message from about 2 years ago that had a similar effect.  "Hello" the machine said "This is violin tudor Nile" (yes Nile was her name and her enrglish was not the best- it was while we lived in Seoul).  "I rill not be able to make our tudor session today, as I have appointment, cannot cancel."  Big Boy rolled on the ground for half an hour listening to this message over and over.  

Still wondering why he finds this pun so hilarious?

Maybe if I spell it out for you a different way: 

Tootelage....

Violin Tooter...

Or if I show you a graffiti image I found, after a member of our church pointed it out, outside our front door yesterday: (feel free to click and enlarge for full effect)

Now dear reader, your mind may wander to that 'potty place' and you will understand this type of humor.

I would like to put out a special thanks to Dav Pilkey author of Captain Underpants for planting those seeds of pre-pubescent boyhood dirty-mindedness.  You really got a good thing going there.  You started him into a love of reading that's for sure.  Now can you make him stop with the poop head drawings?  Got a book for that Mr Pilkey?

(actually I laughed just as hard at the violin tooter comment- I'm no prude, I just like keeping that sort of thing away from the churchy people who come to my door)

Mother's Day

*** Update*** Had a great day and felt validated indeed when I heard that if you totaled the amount of work that you would have to pay to hire someone to do all the things Mother's do, the annual cost would be 123,000.00!  Wow!  Somehow putting a price tag on my services really makes me feel important.  Is that wrong?

I had a good day overall, but there was a low point where I actually spanked someone.  I always feel bad when I spank.  It sucks.  My mother used to tell me that it hurts her more than it hurts me when she has to spank.  That statement totally confused the heck out of me and made me wonder about the state of her hand.  Now I empathize.  I felt like a bad mother.  I probably was one.  When my 6 year old and I mended things later on, I apologized for being so cranky today and she said "that's okay, I'm used to it..."  um, ouch.  

I am going to try my best to have a good day tomorrow.  But I can't promise.  Mother's Day reminds me of all my imperfections.  I miss my own Mother on Mother's Day.  I feel sorta ripped off that breast cancer took her 20 years ago.  But I will do my best to paint on my lipstick and smile.  I'll wear my new pink blouse and pencil skirt to church.  I will listen proudly as my 15 year old gives a talk that I helped him write.  We need to edit out the smart remarks still though.  I think I should let T do that job.  Maybe, as a Mother's Day gift, Big Boy will not fight me and let me cut his hair in the morning.  Then I will feel less like a bad mother who let's her teenager grow out his long red wavy hair and then give a talk from the pulpit looking like that.

I am grateful for the good mother I had for 20 years.  Grateful for the good mother-in-law I now have.  And I hope for the progress I need to burst through that crysallis and become that mother that I aspire to be.  Hopefully I'll climb to that spot very soon.

Everyone Knows it!

So A is my 3rd son and has always been a bit on the high emotional side. He is either really happy or sorta testy (that's putting things mildly). T and I often wonder if it's due to how he is wired naturally or if it's a result of the two older brothers constantly pushing his buttons. Nurture vs nature you know. It's probably both. So lately when I send him to his room as punishment he has taken to screaming out all kinds of horrible things. "I hate you!" "My GOSH!" etc. The other day there was a new one in there. He said "You are a horrible mother and EVERYONE knows it!" Ouch! That's really awful. I have to admit I was hurt. When I shared this with my mother in law, she said "yeah that is bad. The worst part being the 'everyone knows it' thing. Us horrible mothers like to keep those things a secret." I had to laugh at this response and soak up some of her awesome wisdom. She can always put things into perspective for me. You just gotta laugh these things off sometimes and live through them. I know I often say things I don't mean in the heat of the moment. Perhaps he is an apple not far fallen from my tree. The other gem A shared was that when her kids would say "I hate you!" to her she would just laugh and say "Well that's okay, because I have enough love for the both of us." So wise!

On an unrelated note. I, being the horrible mother that I am, am bribing A today to drink an entire 8 oz Gatorade drink. (She hates the taste, and has now got the 7-8 day flu that her sister had. The nurse on the phone yesterday was suggesting the ER for IV fluids since they were so booked up. Unless of coarse, I could get her to drink Gatorade). I told her if she drinks the entire drink I will let her watch the Disney Channel. T is convinced that the Disney channel is from the devil, and too teenagerish for my already semi-diva child. I tend to agree, but it's not all bad and it sure makes her happy, and happy is what we need more of today. After all- I have that horrible reputation to live up to...

Nothing to Say

Hey- me again. My day is busy and I am avoiding housework by blogging. I spent the entire morning at the doctor's office with Little Boy. He's had this appointment for months (man is it busy at this hospital!). However they are starting to recognize me in pediatrics now when I come in, what with the 5 kids and all. I was just there yesterday to have them take a look at Baby Girl's ears. She has been acting so fussy and has had a runny nose and cough for about 4 weeks now, poor baby. I had 2 different employees ask me if I wasn't just here yesterday. Nice to be noticed I guess. There is this man who's name will be unmentioned who I have known for 10 years now and I still can't get him to say hello to me at church. Don't really know why I care, but it's like an itch that I gotta scratch to get him to bother with a simple good morning. Sound's like I'm a stalker or something eh? I'm just bugged by unfriendly types. Maybe it's my need for attention or something. So we get out of our respective cars on Sunday morning and he proceeds to the building not looking in our direction and before I could stop myself I shout out "well-good morning!" I succeeded in scaring a hello out of him, but alas he ignored once again (after I clearly said hello to him first) in the hallway. What is it with this guy? Oh well, maybe I will just let it go.

On to other things. We had a most lovely Thanksgiving with all the trimmings (T even made wassel). We had a friend of T's from the hospital and a good pal of mine from my childhood who lives about 4 hours away. She brought her 2 kids up and they had fun hanging out with my boys. She is pretty newly divorced and going through rough times, and it felt good to listen and help her out. She is an awesome person! She is now a therapist and it was fun to see her work her magic on my headstrong 4 year old diva. We now have Big Girl sleeping in her own bed instead of insisting on sleeping in Little Boy's room every night. We started letting her do that when Baby Girl was going through a period of bad sleeping at night. Anyways it's gotten to be quite a power struggle to get her back where she needs to be. DR also talked me through some issues I have been having with my own family members. (okay it's Dad in case anyone reads this and thinks it might be you). I think I just may work up my courage and tell him my true feelings. Thanks for the therapy DR!

Well I guess that's all I have to say for having nothing much to say... Gotta go do laundry and dishes now- dangit!

How many times to I have to tell you?!

So we see A here with her newly purchased toy. We got this electronic dog in Tokyo for her. It's leash has two controls on it. One for barking and one for walking. She was playing with it in the airport terminal in Japan while we were waiting for the flight home to Seoul when suddenly there seemed to be a crowd gathering and laughing at her. Not too unusual really in Korea. (the laughing part maybe). She was apparently putting on quite a show. She would push the button making her puppy walk then pick it up and proceed to spank it repeatedly saying harshly "how many times do I have to tell you NOT to WALK!" Then she'd go ahead and make it walk again, setting the poor dog up for failure again with repeated spankings. I must say I had some inner guilt at the situation since she did get spanked (a rarity in our home), during our vacation a couple of times. She just refused to stay on her couch and go to sleep. I also recalled the words I used at the time. Something along the lines of "how many times do I have to tell you...." So we see the power of our words and deeds on children. It all gets taken out on the dogs. I recall thinking to myself several times on this vacation that; vacation time with family is often an exercise in forgiveness. I sure had to forgive E one day when he was in a bad mood at Disney, and pretty much making us all miserable. We decided it was time to head back and I was disappointed, but when I looked at my cold, wet, (it was raining and he refused to wear his raincoat- hence the grouchy situation), unhappy son- I suddenly had a change of heart towards him. I decided to forgive him of his stubbornness and I gave him an underneath dry jacket I had on to warm him up. It was amazing the change in his (and my) countenance. We had a nice ride back to the hotel. So sometimes I fall short, but sometimes I am a good parent. It just depends...

First Blood

Well, it's official, I have maimed the infant. I have done it to all of her siblings before her and it was bound to be her turn soon. I was overly confident in my abilities as a nail trimmer. I zipped past all the fingers and got to her thumb and really snipped off a big chunk of skin there! When you consider how small the digits on newborns are and imagine if someone took a proportanate sized piece off your thumb it's enough to make you queezy. So surprized she was that I had injured her this way! But not half as surprized as I was when I witnessed how quickly she overcame it and was smiling up at me in forgiveness. There she was with blood running down her thumb, and happily smiling through it all. This is one good natured kid! I felt so bad that I waited a full hour and a half before attempting to trim the other hand. And wouldn't 'cha know it, I got cocky again on the last trim of her other thumb and now she had two matching bloody thumbs. There must be an award for the worst parent out there with butchering nail clippers. For a couple days after she was wincing when her thumbs got bumped and I could feel the waves of guilt over my crime. It gave me much pause to think about the harshness we encounter in life and how this would be the first of many pains in her life. Even now I continue to experience the pains it took for me to bring EBT to this earth. Will the tailbone ever get better I ask myself daily. Was it worth it? YES!!! Pain is part of life and we grow from it. It sure stings though. And just to re-confirm that my unstained perfectly pure infant that has a world of hurt ahead of her is well on her way, she came down with her first cold the following week. Life is bitter sweet, she may as well learn that now...

Is it still your fault?

A and I were working in the kitchen the other day when I was under a lot of pressure with an upcoming primary activity that I was in charge of. I was expecting up to 100 kids from our district to arrive and be dropped off for 3 hours while their parents attended the Seoul temple. It was one crazy day as I was preparing and I had just washed and sectioned off enough grapes for 100 kids and had them on the counter to dry off. A wanted to help so I told her to pat them dry with a paper towell thinking that would keep her out of my hair for a while. I then went on to the next job of figuring out my new food processer to chop cabbage for a salad I was making for the leaders to eat the next day. I had just sliced my finger at the same time noticing that A had decided the paper towell was useless and started using a stinky washcloth from the sink instead all over my newly washed grapes. I snapped and got angry with her. Her face went all sad and confused as to why I was upset. It broke my heart. Patience is not my strong point I must say. I repent fast though, and I took her in my arms and told her I was sorry. I explained that it was a hard day for mommy because of all the things I had to do. I told her it wasn't her fault, but that I was to blame. About 10 minutes later while we were still working in the kitchen, she looks up at me and says "is it still your fault mama?" As if to say "are we still good?" or "are you gonna snap again?" It reminded me of N as a boy telling people that sometimes he pushed his mom 'over the side'(aka over the edge). She kept asking me if it was still my fault throughout the day. Mostly I said yes it was my fault, but finally I told her if she didn't stop asking me that it would soon be her fault. That put a stop to her asking. Doesn't it feel good to be loved and accepted? I hope I can make her feel that way more in the future. BTW I re washed the grapes, but I didn't eat any at the activity : )