May 13, 2011

The Oreo Decoy

I just managed to eat 3 Oreo cookies (three is my limit- most of the time) in the same room as my youngest daughter and she hasn't caught on in the least.  I am surprised because she is known to smell chocolate on your breath from the 3rd row back in the mini van.  The secret today was timing.  I waited until she finished her lunch and started playing with a toy car on the ground saying "are you watching this mom?"  I snuck over to the cupboard and grabbed my dessert along with a tall glass of skim milk to wash them down, and acted natural.  "Are you watching this Little Girl?" I thought in my head.  Neither of us watching.  I looked at Facebook and nibbled silently and she looked at the floor playing with her car, and we both minded our own business.  As long as she doesn't get a whiff of my breath at story time before her nap we are good to go.

I used to resent my parents having special food in the house that was for the adults only.  My Dad had his special block of sharp cheddar.  My mother had her 100% pure Welches grape juice, while the rest of the family drank juice made from concentrate.  She also loved a good chocolate stash not to be consumed by the masses in the house.  Although she'd share a bite with you if you caught her in the act of eating it.  She wasn't completely heartless.  As a kid I thought I would never make my kids feel second class with food.  But after trying to keep up with the massive amounts of food my teenaged boys eat, I can see that some foods just need to be saved for more adult palates.  Mouths that actually take the time to chew.

Here's a yogurt example:  My favorite flavor of yogurt is the Yoplait key lime pie flavored yogurt.  Unfortunately it is everyone's favorite around here.  I will buy 6, and the very next day I go to eat one and there are none to be had.  I felt a bit crazy at the grocery store buying 14 of them.  I just explained to the clerk that I simply have to get that many if I expect to get one myself.  It's nuts!  So I must have been thinking this way during my entire shopping trip on Tuesday because I found myself doubling up on everything.  Two containers of yogurt covered pretzels, two packages of Oreos, two bags of corn chips.  You know, the important stuff.  It had been a while since my family had seen Oreos and the week before when my husband brought home a package for our mother's day dessert (ice cream with Oreos), the package was voided within an hour.  Long gone before mother's day even arrived.  I was touched. So this time (Tuesday) I thought I'd better get two packages.

Oreo package number one was devoured on Tuesday (all but 2) and put in the usual spot in the cupboard.  The next day I found that someone had left a couple of crumbs too small for a mouse but had left the package right there in it's spot on the shelf.  How considerate I thought as I threw the empty package in the trash.  I went to the pantry to get the second package... the one I had predicted I would need to get if I wanted to see an Oreo long enough to eat one..... The one only I knew about come to think of it.... and a plan began to formulate in my brain.  Everyone is going to think this full package of Oreos is actually the empty one and they will leave it be for a few days perhaps not knowing it's actually choc full of a boat-load of mystery Oreos.  It will be my little secret.  I will actually get to eat some.  The package will be open in front of everyone, yet fool them all!  What an evil sneaky plan full of revenge yet so absolutely deserved!  My evil chocolate loving heart let out a horrible greedy laugh (inside so as to remain cool and calm in front of my one offspring who still stays at home with me during the day).  I have a feeling my plan may dissolve tonight when they trash the house and see the empty Oreos in the trash.  Shall I go to the extreme measure of taking out that trash before anyone sees it?  Am I that desperate for Oreos?  Perhaps in effort to lose some weight I will leave it there and let the fates decide what happens next.

9 comments:

Dallas said...

Ha Ha... As I am sitting here reading this I am slowly savoring a piece of pumpkin pie. The timing was perfect, Emery just left for a friends house and I put a show on for Kaven just so I could enjoy this moment of pie and the web world all to myself. Yet just as I was about to put the last savory bite in my mouth I hear a little voice, "Mommy, ca I ha a bie?" Oh man caught! Now the big choice. Do I stuff it in my mouth really quick and say, "Oh man, all gone." OR do I sacrifice my last bite for my big eyed darling child...... choices, choices, choices.....

Kelly said...

Just give him a bite and then it gives you an excuse to go back for a second slice of pie. After all you had to share the first one right?

M-Cat said...

I wasn't going to make my kids have the crappy food until I too, saw how much it cost to feed 3 teenage boys who don't even chew. And to make matters worse, I would always have at least 4 extra boys in the house at all times.

So when I shopped, I got "their" chips, and "my" chips. "Their" ice cream and "my" ice cream.

After I would make them all unload the groceries, I would take everything out, and then show them what they could eat and what they couln't touch for fear of death.

For anything that I didn't even want to take a chance on, I hid in my underwear drawer. My boys won't go near it!

Kelly said...

And the fates have spoken.... The Oreos were discovered!

Jack, Merry & T-Man said...

Oh, man. I was really rooting for you to have a secret stash. But kudos to you for being able to stop at three Oreos I need at least five.

Teachinfourth said...

Secret stashes are the bomb...

Tracy P. said...

Your killin' me! I love it. I have secret stashes all over the house, but then so do my kids. Too bead for them, I know where their stashes are, so really, they are mine, too. I actually think my sweet hubby might be the only one sharing wholeheartedly.

Eileen said...

I hardly ever buy cookies, but when I do, I buy Oreos because I don't really like them and know I won't be tempted to eat them. Potato chips, on the other hand, I cannot buy because I swear I'd eat the whole bag.

Connie said...

Too funny! With teenage boys in the house, you're lucky to have gotten even the 3 measly Oreos! And hey, you're losing weight. You had skim milk.