September 15, 2013


Lately I have been struggling.  Struggling to adjust to my son being gone for two years.  Struggling with time management.  Struggling to figure out where I stand with people.  Struggling with children who make less than the best decisions.  I have figured out that this life is full of struggle.  Struggling with decisions about what to make for dinner....

But then there is calm.  Calm that comes with knowing I am not alone.  Calm when I attend the temple.  Calm when I look outward.  Calm when I serve someone else.  Calm when I realize that my struggles are understood.  Calm when I realized what I have to be thankful for.  Calm when I get to take a nap. Calm when I laugh with my children.  Calm when I cuddle with my husband.  Calm when the cleaning lady comes.  Calm when I know someone is looking out for me.

Tomorrow I will face another Sunday.  Those are hard days for me lately.  Mondays are worse.  I struggle now to decide if I should mention why.  I struggle with being to open and honest on my blog.  I've actually tried to be less forthcoming to protect the guilty.  Yes, the guilty party who is too young to know better but may look back and feel betrayed.

T and I are taking a parenting class on Sunday evenings.  Parenting is the toughest gig.  My missionary son asked in his last letter why we were taking a parenting class now.  Weren't we finished with parenting?  I guess he forgot that he has a 6 year old sister.  In am tempted to write back that we were hoping not to make the same mistakes on the rest of the kids that we made with him.  I held back (but not here- see my struggle?).  One thing they talked about in the class last week was tenderness.  Are we tender with our children?  We will get much better results when parenting if we use love in equal or more amounts as opposed to discipline.  So I worked on that this week.  I found it much easier than I thought.  I got to say he was right about that.  I had much more success than failure.

I believe one key here may be to let go of the struggle and get on with the cuddle.  It melts cold hearts.

I wrote a paper letter to my son in Washington State.  I went through many drafts and even asked for outside opinions.  My goal was to show love and also to inspire and motivate behavior that has not seen previously.  If only I could give him a cyber hug.  I haven't seen the expected response yet.  Maybe Monday...

September 02, 2013

Sunday Post

Well well well,
It's Sunday.  I've had a good week I suppose.  The biggest news is that my son is an official Elder serving in the mission field in Everett Washington.  He will serve there until his visa arrives.  Could be soon, could be months.  I hope he will do his best and dig in and work hard.  I miss him still, but I am glad he is where he is.  I am anxious to see the growth that is bound to happen while in the Lord's service as a missionary.  He gets to write to me each Tuesday.  I'm hoping for at least 3 paragraphs this time but I won't hold my breath.

In other news it was T's birthday on Friday.  He turned 44.  Funny thing was I thought he was turning 45.  I thought I was 45 and he was turning my age.  I'm still 44 until November and I forgot it.  Does anyone else do that?  I just don't think about it. Sometimes I have to sit down and do the math to figure out my age.  Not regularly or anything but about twice a year or so.  At least I'm not age obsessed.  When he told me his age and we figured out about my brain fart I was so pleased to have gained another year!  You're only as old as you feel right.  I feel 30.  For T's big day he took the day off from work and we did just whatever came to us.  With all the kids in school you can imagine where that led to.... exactly, we went to breakfast, went to a book store, a running store, and then to a gas station for a corned beef sandwich that he had been told he must try.  Corn Beef King at the Exxon station on Georgia Ave really knows what they are doing, and buyer beware they don't make breakfast items.

I got the following facebook message along with a friend request yesterday:

"I don't know if you remember who I am, but I had classes with you in High School. English was one we had together, i was not a very good student you on the other hand was. I remember one time we were asked to read our short story out loud and if we did we would receive extra credit, You always did and I never did. Sometimes I didn't like you very much because you were always prepared and just a happy girl. When i married 26 years ago it was my goal to have girls with the confidence you had and to stand up and read their stories for extra credit.. my oldest daughter is in college to be a high School Math and science teacher, My youngest is a girl in 9th grade and she has stood up and read her story, i smiled to myself and said Thank You Kelly!!!! Kinda weird I know but I felt like i should let you know You were an example to me all those years ago -Kathy."

At first I didn't remember her, but after confirming her in a yearbook I accepted her friendship.  T thought it was possibly a scam.  As if I couldn't have been that great in high school or something.  I was insulted!  (kidding).  It just goes to show that you never know who you are influencing with your behavior.  For good or bad.

Tonight I found a binder full of letters that I put together as a gift for T.  It's all the correspondence we kept while he was in Iraq in 2008.  Reading all that writing has gotten me in the writing mood.  It was a hard time for us and I was alone with my thoughts so much that I needed a place to vent. Thankfully I like to write. I thank my Heavenly Father for watching over us and for giving me this blog as an outlet to work out my feelings. I certainly had a lot of support from the blogging world as well.  I haven't kept up with it as of late but I suppose even that is a good thing.  It means I am busy with being present in the moment with my family more.  Reading back brings back such good memories though.  It also reminds me of all that I have to be grateful for.  Family, church, my marriage, my children, my talents, my testimony, our family trials.  I'm thankful for it all....