I had wondered if it would be upsetting so, in my not so direct way I asked (after the fact), if he would mind if I used the subject of his attentions from a girl and my reaction to it would be an okay topic to blog about. He said he'd have to see it first. I went to take it off and saw I had 3 comments already. Whoops! I wanted to delete it, but save for my husband's eyes only, but somehow when I re-read I just couldn't bring myself to hit that delete button.
Later on when Big Boy needed the computer for homework he saw my blog title and wanted to read. I hesitantly let him. He was upset to tears and I felt like a big slime bucket. I still am tempted to put it back up there, but each time the memory of his face in that moment holds me back. Here I tout myself as a keeper of verbal chastity/fidelity with my spouse but I have clearly violated it with my son. BAD MOM!! BAD BAD MOM!!!
This causes me to self evaluate. My need to be clever and inventive in story telling sometimes pulls harder than my need to be a trusted friend to my son. That is disturbing. My husband saw no harm in the entry really, and it could be that Big Boy just over-reacts. That is normal for a kid of 15 years right? So I ask for a 2nd (3rd or 4th) opinion. If you happened to be one of the few readers who read my last entry titled 'heart burn' (that's you Kristina P, Laurel, Lia, and possibly others), please tell me honestly did I go too far? I mean if I were a teenaged boy with a girl giving me that much attention I would think it a proud moment. But maybe the eye stuff was too much... You know what I am referring to I think.
I have been sleepless for the past 3 nights (for other reasons- allergies I think) so I have had time to mull it over. I'm still stumped. Being a parent is so dang hard!