Tragic news yesterday evening. Just as we were about to go ding dong ditching for Family Night I got a call from my Dad. I was in the laundry room doing.... laundry when he called to tell me. At first I thought it would be about my brother with cancer, but no. My lifelong girlfriend with 11 children had found her 2 year old drowned in their family pool just that afternoon. She has a 3 week old baby, it's 6 days before Christmas and now she has to bury her 2 yr old girl. I let out a wail of sorrow for my friend. My son came running to see what was the matter.
I tried to keep upbeat during our outing but every time my kids would exit the van to plant goodies on a neighbor's porch, I'd put my hand to my forehead and just feel helplessly sad. I thought about calling her when we got home but I know she will be informing her family and talking to them the first day. She is the youngest (along with a twin) of 12 children in their family. So I sent her an email and ordered flowers for her. I wish there was more I could do. I want to ask my friends to facebook to pray for her, but somehow it feels like the wrong place to share such news.
I keep looking at my healthy children and being grateful for them (even my teenager). I barked at my 4 yr old this morning and felt terrible right afterwards. She knows I am upset and keeps giving me love this morning. Such an intuitive child.
As I laid awake last night, thinking of my friend, I thought of her motherhood tasks ahead that will be hard. Like looking at that pool, or folding her daughter's clothing as it comes through the wash. Unwrapping her presents and returning them. Seeing her sippy cups in the cupboard. If I were her neighbor I would offer to come and take care of some of those tasks for her, but not until after I first gave her a huge hug.
I know that she will see her daughter again and that the atonement is real. I know families are forever. But this really sucks all the same. Nobody gets through this life without trial. It's just part of the deal, but for now I am angry and sad that this happened to my friend. I wish I could make this better. Not gonna happen.