Last night as my husband and I shared a brief moment of uninterrupted conversation before drifting off to sleep he asked me this question. "Someday when I die, what will you tell people about me?" I told him that I would tell people about his intelligence, his testimony, his work ethic, his calm demeanor and his awesome body. Then I asked the same question of him. "What will you tell people about me, should I go first in this scenario?" He told me several things but the one that stood out was that I have a big heart. I have been told that before from other sources. I wear my emotions close to the surface I'm afraid. (For good or for bad).
This week has been an emotional roller coaster. Middle Boy's piano teacher pretty much dropped us and my heart has yet to recover from that one. My best evaluation of the situation is that he just didn't feel that we were committed when he made the lacrosse team and our lesson time was compromised. Just when he was making such great strides. My poor poor heart has caused me to lose more than one night's sleep this week over that one. When I spoke to our violin teacher about the situation she told me I was compassionate. I'm not sure why it turned there. Perhaps because I was trying to give our diva piano teacher the benefit of the doubt (as mad as I was at him).
All week I have been quick to laugh and quick to cry. Something needs to be fixed here I think. How do you shut off emotions? Is there a switch somewhere?
Someone is moving out of the ward. I cry when I hear the testimonies. Someone plays a beautiful violin piece at the recital, I am moved. A friend tells me they made a last minute decision to go to Disney World over spring break and they got a super cheap deal on a last minute condo rental, and I feel a lump forming in my throat.... I am a sucker for the Magic Kingdom! It's not even PMS- I swear.
At times I am aware more keenly of this big heart being a liability. At our committee meeting the question was asked "can anyone make a flyer for us to pass out at today's Relief Society meeting?" and when no one volunteers my heart does the volunteering for me. Never mind the 5 children at home who still need whipping into Sunday ready best and the two dozen cookies that need frosting before church and the absent husband attending various meetings himself. The end result? No flyer and me feeling like an idiot. Dang that big heart of mine!