|Just before heading through security|
|One last glimpse|
This post is way overdue. I guess I've been in a funk about it. I don't really know how to put it into words. My son left for two years on Wednesday the 17th of July. I went from being SO ready for him to just leave already to being touched by his kindness the last couple days at home with me to bawling in public at the Baltimore International airport. He kissed my cheek, hugged me and walked into that security check line like a champ. He never even looked back at us. I felt odd. I kept changing positions so that I could get one last peek. Then at long last he could be seen no more and I wept uncontrollably.
I know this is where he should be right now. I know it's what we've talked about and saved for his entire life long! I know it's the best place for him to learn and grow. He needs this time to learn so much about himself and to bless the lives of others. I know all of this. But I also feel empty and sad. I have been doing things like taking a nap in his bed, wearing his hoodie, smelling his clothing, and buying the gum he used to chew. A favorite song of his keeps playing on the radio and I weep each time I hear it. I'm much better now, but for a few days there I could hardly get out of bed. I wish I had been warned about this by someone. It was almost too much to bear waiting for that first letter home. It took 9 days before hearing from him. When his letter did come I was so happy to hear that he was in good spirits that I tried not to be bothered by his not mentioning the packages we'd sent. He's always been brief when it comes to communicating. I hope to see growth there.
As therapy I have been eating chocolate, shopping for Halloween costumes for my girls, writing to my son and sending him too many things, dream-house hunting online for houses we'll never be able to afford. My favorite is waterfront property on Bambrige Island in the Seattle area. Sigh.
I've also been praying for comfort. Sunday I received that comfort in the form of an outpouring of the spirit confirming that my son is learning and growing and in the right place.
In the meantime we got our family photos from July back. I was so pleased to see them. I'll share some here. It was the last chance for us to be photographed as a family for 4.5 years. Thank goodness we had some lovely shots! We were battling rain, sun going down, and sprinklers going off.
As we took Big Boy to the airport for our last farewell I asked him about the layout for his missionary blog that I would be starting for him. We discussed colors and photo options for the heading. "What shall we call it?" I asked him next. "How about Decent Beginnings" was his reply. We had a good laugh about that. We had just been discussing the Jared Hess sleeper movie we'd seen. The same director who made Napoleon Dynamite made a kookie movie called Gentlemen Broncos. In the movie a woman has a line of modest lingerie. Funny right? She decides to call her new collection 'Decent Beginnings' because it has a wholesome ring to it and she thinks it will appeal to a younger market. I guess Big Boy really took that to heart. So link to it if you like from my side bar and have a read. I guarantee he won't be as long winded as I am.
|July 2013 |