September 02, 2010
Five is Enough
I began on the LDS fast-birthing-track. I was planning to have my kids every two years. However I lost one between the first two and so my plans were already off that track to begin with. Then somewhere along the line I realized that spacing them apart can work out just fine. Not to mention keep you out of the looney bin. It all works out how it's supposed to I think. You pray, you think about what you can do and what you can't, and then you move forward with faith. Funnily enough I knew that Little Girl was supposed to come just a few hours after Big Girl joined us. I mentioned out loud that this girl was going to need a sister. And then I couldn't believe that actually came out of my mouth. Especially so soon after giving birth. But I just knew.
Today I had a conversation with my father that is one I have had with him before. I mentioned how I am finished having children in some way, and then he reminded me of how he and my mother continued having kids later in life. My mother was 45 when she had my last sister. It's as if he expects me to follow in the same path. I remind him that my hat is off to her for the sacrifice, but that I am not likely to do the same. He pokes more fun of me saying if my love my kids so much then why don't I want to have more? It's a stupid argument really. I mean I love pudding but if I had a bathtub of pudding would I want more? Maybe pudding wasn't the right thing to compare child rearing to, but my point is that I want to be able to savor my pudding and not have so much of it that I can't afford to send my pudding to college or attend all of it's chocolate vs vanilla soccer games, and jello-brand violin recitals, etc. My parents were great but the techniques of parenting they used were necessary but not always ideal. In fact I boldly reminded my father of the fact that my poor mother didn't live to the ripe old age she had planned on, and perhaps she should have considered that when having kids in her 40s. Brash of me no?
So even though I will get all up in your face if you give me your opinions about keeping down the population, I don't like being pressured to have more either. I once had a person give me a pamphlet while I was on pregnancy #2. Yes, it was in California, and yes, I threw it in the trash. I will tell that person my opinions on the importance of family and how too many of us selfishly put off having kids only to end up later in life wishing we hadn't done so. How our best resource is our human resource, and as long as I am capable of taking good care of my kids they have no right to judge. But I would advise against passing judgment in the other direction as well. Five is enough for us. And for most people I would guess.