December 31, 2010

A Conversation About Sex

Does my title surprise you a bit?  Sorry to be blunt.  I have always thought that when approaching the topic of the birds and the bees that we shouldn't bring insects and flowers into the mix.  It's just confusing.  And I hate the symbolism of the bee flitting from flower to flower without commitment to any one flower, spreading pollen willy nilly without a care.  I know the flower needs the pollen to produce more flowers and it's part of the cycle of life but when comparing that to human interaction, it leaves me a bit miffed.  I believe in being up front and not giggling about it when you tell your kids.  Practice saying all the body parts without smirking so your kids will follow suit and take you seriously... It's a good thing.

Tonight I had a conversation not involving birds or bees with my daughter Big Girl.  I like to explain it to my kids before the playground version gets to them.  She will be 8 in a couple of months.  The others before her already knew the facts by this age. So, while I was wrapping presents for Little Girl's birthday party, I sprang the subject on her.  Of course I was gentle.  I told her about the sacred nature of intercourse.  I emphasized the commitment levels that should be involved first.  I told her that our bodies are amazing gifts that are sacred.  I told her sex was enjoyable and that it was a way to show love, but only within the right boundaries.

I am always a bit surprised by the various responses I have had over the years having this talk with my kids.  My first son was amazed by the biology aspect, my second son asked me a very important question "Are we done talking about this now?"  and my third son said "So you guys have had sex 5 times!?"  Big Girls reaction made me think that perhaps I had spoken to her about this sensitive subject a bit too soon.  Her big query was if Santa and Mrs Claus did this with each other.  I said I think most married couples do have sex, and we left it at that.  When I told T this he laughed and said that Mr and Mrs Claus definitely do have sex.  After all, they have all that mistletoe around the place.

So, what do you readers think?  If a kid is young enough to still believe in Santa that they are too young for "the talk"?

Maybe it is time for us to have another eye-opening chat about St Nick....  Just not this close to Christmas.

9 comments:

Kelly said...

For the record, Big Girl pretends to still believe in Santa but it's pretty obvious she has caught on and is living in denial.

jenfrommaine said...

Oh to be a kid again! The things that go through their minds. Emma and I were talking about it one day and somehow the conversation turned to sex for pleasure and she said, "So you guys have had sex more than three times?!" She was totally disgusted. She couldn't believe we did that. Hilarious...

Shana said...

My personal opinion is that it is never too early to learn anything. No matter what the age, kids 'know' stuff and they can always learn. I have always answered every question that my daughter asked with honesty, no matter how old she was. Whether I went into detail at the time depended on her age.

Tom said...

That is very funny. My parents side stepped talking to me about sex when I was younger so I found things out from older friends at an early age. Looking back, I probably haven't been that much better with my own kids. It's a good thing my wife is more up front and proactive than I am. Each of your kids responses are priceless.

Zachary said...

The subject line definately caught my eye...Nikki was also browsing the web when we stumbled across your blog...her comment was...is Kelly trying to improve her ratings? Please don't take it the wrong way. She is not judging you in a negative light at all. I can definately appreciate your straight-up, no-nonsense approach to LIFE! It is refreshing. Thanks for sharing.

Kelly said...

Sorry if I am too blunt Zachary. I appreciate your comment though : )

Teachinfourth said...

What are you talking about? Santa Claus is totally real!

Katie said...

Wow. That is definitely a sex question I have never heard.

Colin still believes in Santa, but I know he is really stretching to believe. I have been wondering when to have the big talk with him and always thought it would be around 8. He isn't one to ask any probing questions on his own about anything (which is why he still believes in Santa), so I know I might need to spring the whole thing on him.

Melody said...

Oh my gosh, that made me laugh out loud.

BTW, our 9 yo still believes in Santa too, but like you, I think she's just trying to talk herself into it.