August 05, 2009

An Apology

Recently I had my feelings hurt and made the poor choice to blog about it here.  I was venting in a place that I thought would hurt no one else.  I was wrong.  My husband has warned me about being too cavalier on the blog.  I should have listened.  

I never should have been so caddy in the attempt to be funny.  I have hurt someone now and I regret it.  

Here's how it all unfolded today...

I woke up this morning and checked my comments and was surprised to see that someone left an anonymous comment saying that my entry came across as mean spirited and that I should be more careful what I say.  The thought entered my head that it could have been a local person who knew the lady who had offended me (or was possibly her-yikes!).  I had to agree though that looking at it through her eyes, it was offensive.  I posted a comment back and said something along the lines of "I was hurt at the time and therefore lashed out in an unflattering way- perhaps I should be more careful."  Then I should have followed my next instinct, which was to delete it before it did more damage.  I found out tonight, that I was already too late.  

At the hospital today when I chatted with my husband he said he had seen some of the comments on my blog and gave me a bit of 'I told you so.'  I had thought he was referring to the one comment I had seen already, but the plural mentioning made me check email from my phone in the parking lot on the way home.  Another comment warned me to remove it before more people from the area saw it.  Who could that be? I wondered.... Then I found myself racing home to delete.  The other thing that I thought on that long traffic ridden ride was that I felt sorry.  I felt guilty.  I felt remorse.  I needed to repent.  The steps of repentance came to mind.  The one I didn't want to face was looming large in my mind.  'Make amends.'   Making amends would mean going to that person and asking forgiveness.  That is a big hard thing to do.  Something I don't know if I have the guts to do.  Something that would mean hurting the person I offended because at this point I didn't know she was already in the know.  I thought about posting a retraction of sorts here on the blog.  Then I came home, deleted, and was a busy Mom the rest of the day.  

Tonight I got word that the person I'd posted about had indeed read the blog.  I never intended to hurt.  But I take responsibility for my actions.  Hopefully I have learned a valuable lesson in filtering myself both on the blog and elsewhere in my daily life.  When I think about all the interactions I have had with this woman, she has never said a bad word about anybody.  And indeed she has shown me kindness.  She sometimes says things that hurt, but it isn't intentional.  That I do know.  So I hope she reads this and that we can make amends.  I want her to know I forgive the comment from the park.  And I hope she will forgive me, for my sin was much more scarlet.  


8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Blogging can be so tricky sometimes! Oh, and I don't allow anonymous comments for a reason.

Kelly said...

It is tricky indeed, and I am sleepless tonight trying to figure out how to best apologize in person tomorrow morning face to face.

Anonymous may have actually done me the favor in the long run...

c a n d a c e said...

You are a much better person than I, that's for sure.
Sometimes people need an 'awakening' of sorts. I think it's the Whatcott in me that feels I am the one needing to give it to them. ;) -It always ends badly though and I really look up to you Aunt Kelly.

=Candace

Kelly said...

Thanks Candace,
I needed a supportive comment. You are a great person! That Whatcott side is amazing and horrible at the same time. I ought to know!

Shana said...

Asking forgiveness can be a hard thing for sure.

And sometimes I am not sure if it is good or bad that some people that I know in real life read my blog.

And THANKS for your comment!!

Kelly said...

Thanks Shana. I appreciate your sentiments. You are a very nice person.

literaqueen said...

Good luck with this, Kelly. I think the making amends part HAS to be hard, though, or we aren't really repenting. If it were too easy, we'd keep repeating our mistakes and never learn from them.

Bee and Rose said...

Kelly, I think you are a deeply caring person and I don't believe your intent was to harm. Sometimes we just need to work things out verbally. I'm sure the party involved will be very understanding. You are a wonderful woman, my friend!