At a Crossroad

Well I am up late and I am not sure the reason because I am sick and totally need my rest. But watching LOST has my brain in overload mode and I just can't sleep. Actually we didn't even finish it since we would have been up past eleven (DVR) and so that is probably the reason for my sleeplessness. No closure. I have also thought that perhaps it's Nyquil withdrawal. I decided to let the medication the doctor gave me do it's thing instead tonight. So- sleepless! And blogging.

I have already heard one child talk in his sleep- sounds like he's fighting with his brother even at midnight. Baby Girl also made some noise and since she has had this same cough (turned into an ear infection) as I have, I ran to her side and asked her if she was okay. We shared some smiles and sleepy hugs and it was no less than awesome. I love her so much. Too bad she's my last. Babies are the best when they are sleepy and huggy.

The thing I wanted to blog about now after that two paragraph set up is that T and I are at a big crossroads in our life lately. We are coming up on a point where we either have to start looking for a job once our military commitment is up (in two year's time). Or making the scary decision to stay with Uncle Sam for the next 9 years until he would be eligible for retirement. After last year's deployment we were certain getting out was the best idea. That was pretty tough and we don't want to risk everything like that again. But the security that comes with a retirement paycheck and health care benefits for the rest of our lives is hard to pass up. The army also gives us a higher paying salary when we decide to sign on for more time. So there is that immediate benefit as well.

T worries about our financial future. Thinks about it daily. I tend to be more of a grasshopper type personality. I figure things will work themselves out and I am not too willing to gamble with my husband's life. But lately, for some odd reason I have felt myself softening to his ideas of staying in the army until retirement. I see other people having adventures living overseas and I miss that opportunity. I love people in the military. They just stick together and support each other. Great people! We could go to Germany in the next 9 years- what a blast that would be! The thing that has me more open to the idea also is that T will be up for a program director position in the next couple years that would put him in a less deployable position. We could also most likely stay in Maryland the entire time (unless we requested an overseas tour), and that would give our kids stability. We love this area.

I guess only the Lord knows what would be best for our family. And so we have been praying. But today as I was at the military hospital for my appointment and I saw all the soldiers in wheelchairs, it got me thinking about all the risk involved with being tied to the army. I am not sure what we will do, but one thing keeps coming back to both of us and it was something I said to T the other day that we "shouldn't take counsel from our fears." We should put ourselves in God's hands to do what he has in store for us. Figuring out what that is isn't always easy though...