February 01, 2010

Losing My Voice/Meeting My Needs

I have had a cough for just over a week that has rendered my voice completely useless. It actually brings back memories of when T and I were dating. It seems I lose my voice on occasion when I am sick (like now) or during season changes. I lost my voice during the spring of 1991. This made for an interesting 4th date with T. When you're in peacock mode and you're trying to be all charming and talkative it's difficult without one's voice. I could really relate to poor Arial having only her body language to get Eric's attention. I must have done okay because as I remember things, this was the night we first kissed. He kissed my potentially sickly lips and then I walked myself back to my apartment 10 doors down. Rather odd that he wouldn't walk me home I thought. An awkward beginning. A great ending.

Now that I am a mother of his five children I find that losing my voice has another set of obstacles. I can't raise my voice in anger (that's been a bonus). It gives me pause to think about how often I must do that because I am useless in the yelling department right now. I have to slow down take a deep breath and get their attention in another way. I will have to remember this practice for when the voice comes back I suppose. Sometimes a whisper is a better way. A soft answer turns away wrath. Guilt also works. "How can you make me keep after you so many times to do your dishes when it hurts to use my voice?!" I also feel like unless it's really worth saying I just keep my mouth shut. I feel a bit left out of things in this mode. But it will pass. I am lucky to have my voice, my health, my life.

Tonight as I prepared dinner I asked my husband to please wash some of the pans that had been stacking up. He did so. I thought to myself that I can't really remember my father ever doing such things in our house when I was a kid. It's a different generation I guess. I'm glad to be in this one, pulling together. I found myself attracted to my helpful man. Nothing (in my humble opinion) is more attractive then a man who meets his wife's needs wherever possible.

A friend of mine called the other day and told me about a book she had read that pointed out some things to her that she hadn't realized before. That some of her needs as a wife were not being met by her husband. She had known she wasn't happy, but this book really spelled things out for her and that now she and her spouse are going through the book together as a couple. When I told my husband about it he said to be sure and not bring that book home. He was joking- of course, but I know what he is saying. That possibly finding in a book what is wrong can be the cause of the problem. Not sure if that was the case for my friend or not. I just hope she will be happier. I hope that for us all! It really all comes down to being unselfish. T's grandma used to say to her husband "I'm first after you."

She was a terribly happy woman.


Melissa said...

You're full of Good advice Kelly. I'm always glad after I read your blog.

Kelly said...

I am full of advice alright Melissa. If it's good or not I am not always sure.

BTW-I just got back from Walter Reed hospital where I found out I have a bad case of bronchitis. Possibly pneumonia. Yikes~ I need a nap.

noyb said...

i know i will terribly misquote it, but i love what President Hinckley said about when two peopl are actively engaged for the comfort and well being of the other person it is nearly impossible not to be happily married. take it from the bitter divorcee; ITS TRUE. ;-)