March 10, 2009

Tales of an over active imagination


I am not sure about you, but as a child I was pretty sure my parents had kidnapped me from Samantha Stevens, my REAL mother.  Any day now she was going to fly in, twitch her button nose and we would be outta there baby!  I tried twitching my own nose to call her to me many times.  She abandoned me and never came back though.  What a witch.  

Then there was the time that I wanted to look more asian.  I thought if I held my eyes up in a slanted position long enough that they would actually stay there.  The same principle would apply if you made the pig nose with your hands upside down on your face (thumbs pushing up the nose, pinkies pushing up the eyes). If you did that long enough, your face would stay that way.  Or so I was told.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that asian women actually go through plastic surgery to have their eyes shaped to look more round, and less asian.  What are they thinking!?



I fervently wished upon stars.  Even during the day (because my brother had told me that stars were still there during the daylight hours)  I would wish for money to drop from the sky.  Or possibly a dolly.  I had been brought up on the idea that faith could move mountains.  Why then could my faith not produce a new Raggedy Ann?  Or that cool Barbie head for practicing make-up on?  Again- I was let down.

I had an overactive imagination when it came to hiding from bad guys should they ever enter my childhood home.  Where were the best places to hide in my rather large home?  (12 bedrooms-not kidding).  Possibly the bomb shelter would be best because of the dumbwaiter alternate escape route.  (also not kidding).  

One night there was a full moon shining in my bedroom window.  We had a very 70's kind of house with large glass ball light fixtures hanging down from cords.  Like this one...


Anyways, the shadow cast from the light fixture above was similar to a large round african american afro.  There happened to be some clothing thrown over a closet door that had been left ajar.  This combined with the afro of unusual size, was arguably a very real likeness to a large black man just standing there silently taking in the scene in my room, waiting for his chance to do whatever he'd come to do.  I didn't want to show fear.  Although my heart was beating out of my chest I managed a calm voice and simply stated that I was armed, and that If he wouldn't harm me, I would not harm him.  I was safe all night long.  We had an understanding.  When the sun rose in the morning, I saw that my observer (not unlike Edward in Twilight) had departed, only to return again on the night of the next full moon.

8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

The afro one is hilarious!

Kelly said...

That's why I saved it for last. All true tales btw.

Eileen said...

Kelly,

I think it's a good thing that we weren't friends when we were little. Our imaginations would have gotten us into all sorts of trouble! I still scare myself frequently.

But NEVER would I have mooned passing cars. (I'm still trying to get over that little revelation!)

Eileen said...

Oh, and I meant to say that Lyle LAUGHED so hard at your Outsider comment. He left a comment to your comment. Gee, I hope he's not getting blog-addicted!

CSIowa said...

I watched an interview today where a college student representing Christian faith on a panel advised parents never to tell their children that rhyme which includes, "If I die before I wake. . ." Apparently, she spent much of her childhood afraid to go to sleep. Do you know her?

Bee and Rose said...

I wanted to have Samantha Stevens come over too! As you know, I write about her alot! She was one of my childhood favorites also!

That was a great post!

Melinda said...

I had no idea you were so weird.

Kelly said...

ha ha!