May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

*** Update*** Had a great day and felt validated indeed when I heard that if you totaled the amount of work that you would have to pay to hire someone to do all the things Mother's do, the annual cost would be 123,000.00!  Wow!  Somehow putting a price tag on my services really makes me feel important.  Is that wrong?

I had a good day overall, but there was a low point where I actually spanked someone.  I always feel bad when I spank.  It sucks.  My mother used to tell me that it hurts her more than it hurts me when she has to spank.  That statement totally confused the heck out of me and made me wonder about the state of her hand.  Now I empathize.  I felt like a bad mother.  I probably was one.  When my 6 year old and I mended things later on, I apologized for being so cranky today and she said "that's okay, I'm used to it..."  um, ouch.  

I am going to try my best to have a good day tomorrow.  But I can't promise.  Mother's Day reminds me of all my imperfections.  I miss my own Mother on Mother's Day.  I feel sorta ripped off that breast cancer took her 20 years ago.  But I will do my best to paint on my lipstick and smile.  I'll wear my new pink blouse and pencil skirt to church.  I will listen proudly as my 15 year old gives a talk that I helped him write.  We need to edit out the smart remarks still though.  I think I should let T do that job.  Maybe, as a Mother's Day gift, Big Boy will not fight me and let me cut his hair in the morning.  Then I will feel less like a bad mother who let's her teenager grow out his long red wavy hair and then give a talk from the pulpit looking like that.

I am grateful for the good mother I had for 20 years.  Grateful for the good mother-in-law I now have.  And I hope for the progress I need to burst through that crysallis and become that mother that I aspire to be.  Hopefully I'll climb to that spot very soon.


Kristina P. said...

Mother's Day is hard for me. I was looking over the PostSecrets to post for tomorrow, and the ones about great moms just don't apply to me.

There's one that really spoke to me, but I don't feel like I can post it, as I don't really want to air dirty laundry or talk negatively about my mom for the whole world to see.

I hope you have a good day tomorrow.

CSIowa said...

If the haircut doesn't work out, decide that you're the good mother who can do what's best for her son without worrying (too much) about the judgement of others. I can't say I approve of long hair on boys myself, but I've known several young men who went through a scraggly stage until they (not their mothers) decided they had had enough. It's hard to let our kids make bad decisions, even superficial ones, but I'm convinced that it's good for their personal growth. Decide how much you can live with. Maybe look at the growing hair as a symbol of the growing boy? The chaff growing together with the wheat for awhile? Good luck! I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for both of you.

You are a good mother, my friend.

Happy Mother's Day!

Katie said...

I spanked my six year old this week too. I felt the same way.

I am sorry that you got jipped with your Mom. My mom is dealing with a serious illness and I know what you mean when you say you feel that way.

literaqueen said...

You know, today I realized in Relief Society how many women struggle with Mother's Day. A wonderful senior sister missionary spoke in Sacrament Meeting and talked about how much she used to dread Mother's Day because her kids weren't perfect, which meant she wasn't a perfect mom and shouldn't be celebrated. Several women in Relief Society said how relieved they were that someone finally voiced their thoughts. I always thought it was only women like me who weren't biological mothers who struggled with Mother's Day-- clearly I'm wrong, and oddly enough, that's kind of reassuring.

I think the holiday's supposed to recognize our efforts, not make us feel bad for what we're lacking.

And anyone who can raise five kids alone for six months is a pretty awesome mom in my book.

Kelly said...

Thanks for your words of support and praise. I did have a nice day after all. With the exception of a feverish two year old who had to be taken home while my husband taught a lesson that is...

Can't complain too much as she is in tantrum mode right now and T is dealing with it while I blog. It's moments like this that I am so glad he is back!!!!