*** Update*** Had a great day and felt validated indeed when I heard that if you totaled the amount of work that you would have to pay to hire someone to do all the things Mother's do, the annual cost would be 123,000.00! Wow! Somehow putting a price tag on my services really makes me feel important. Is that wrong?
I had a good day overall, but there was a low point where I actually spanked someone. I always feel bad when I spank. It sucks. My mother used to tell me that it hurts her more than it hurts me when she has to spank. That statement totally confused the heck out of me and made me wonder about the state of her hand. Now I empathize. I felt like a bad mother. I probably was one. When my 6 year old and I mended things later on, I apologized for being so cranky today and she said "that's okay, I'm used to it..." um, ouch.
I am going to try my best to have a good day tomorrow. But I can't promise. Mother's Day reminds me of all my imperfections. I miss my own Mother on Mother's Day. I feel sorta ripped off that breast cancer took her 20 years ago. But I will do my best to paint on my lipstick and smile. I'll wear my new pink blouse and pencil skirt to church. I will listen proudly as my 15 year old gives a talk that I helped him write. We need to edit out the smart remarks still though. I think I should let T do that job. Maybe, as a Mother's Day gift, Big Boy will not fight me and let me cut his hair in the morning. Then I will feel less like a bad mother who let's her teenager grow out his long red wavy hair and then give a talk from the pulpit looking like that.
I am grateful for the good mother I had for 20 years. Grateful for the good mother-in-law I now have. And I hope for the progress I need to burst through that crysallis and become that mother that I aspire to be. Hopefully I'll climb to that spot very soon.