I was raised in a home where swearing was not allowed. I remember my ears burning off one time when during a time of great stress, I overheard my father say the word "damn" (and I said it in quotes- as in quoting another person so it's okay) in anger over some silly situation. He was relocating his dental office and my mother innocently asked him if it wouldn't be better if he did something a certain way. His reply "YES it would be a damn site better, but I can't because... yada yada yada...." You could have heard a pin drop after that. I was shocked to the core!
Things changed when I entered middle school and made friends with a troubled girl named Melinda. Melinda's parents had divorced nastily and she was rebelling against the world and was going to take me along for the ride. It was a rocky time being friends with her. She introduced me to the coolness of swearing. No word was off limits. Then I began to slip up at home and boy did that bring down the house. I had the gumption to even cuss in anger at my parents using the F-word on rare occasion. I shudder to think of it now and I am so so sorry. I totally deserve angry teenagers in my life now because of that. After a year of abuse from her I moved on and made better friends. I also worked hard to stop the swearing habit I had acquired.
The funny thing is my teenager does not even go there. In fact if anyone is going to swear in one of our arguments- it's me. "For the 11th time today, but that damn violin away!" I heard myself saying the other day. I did quote there that time, but sadly- I was quoting myself. I know there's no salvation for me. I think I am going to blame it on my father for his example that day in the dental office. If I am ever in the heat of the moment, say I stub my toe badly, or scrape the car backing out of the garage my word of choice is sh_t. It just pops out. I am working on it. I blame Melinda. I also see a pattern, as I write this, of not owning up to my problem. I am blaming others instead. I will have to add that to the list of things I am working on.
I find a certain kinship to people with my same problem. Someone who isn't all stuffy and judgmental. I'll tell you when I do slip up in front of Big Boy he really lets me have it. Hair raised up, angry as a cat, telling me that I am the worst example of a mother he has ever known. I think he is just trying to shift blame and make me out to be the bad guy. He knows how to push my guilt buttons alright. Maybe I am the bad guy. Maybe I just need to expose him to more skits of the church lady and he'll see the error of his judging.
Middle Boy doesn't have the same sensitivity. Today I read this blog entry to him and we laughed out loud at the cussing from Pioneer Lady's disabled brother Mike. I think that Middle Boy is going to turn out just fine. I do tend to swear at him a lot less...