March 02, 2010

Perspective

As a mother you get a lot of comments. Many times those comments refer to enjoying the ride since they grow up too fast. Sometimes I think they are right (mostly). But there are times when you are in the trenches and you think there is no possible way I am going to miss being used as a human kleenex for someone's snot, or being aroused at 1:00 to a vomiting child.

I was identifying with this emotion when reading someone else's blog today. The thought I had was that time erases these memories and only the good ones remain. That is what we miss-the good times. We have photos or videos of the good times to remind us, but we don't record the fighting or the poop smeared on the walls. Okay maybe there will be a photo of that somewhere but in the moment it was horrible and looking back it's just funny.

I have the pleasure/heartache of raising both teenagers and toddlers at this point in my life and so I feel enlightened to share this with you: I would so take the poop on the walls over the emotional heartache of dealing with teenagers. It's gross, but it's SO much easier! My heart gets so heavy sometimes when I deal with Big Boy. But Baby Girl grabs my face and tells me she loves me every day. Perhaps that is why she is here. To comfort me.

So I understand the longing for those younger days. I also understand what it's like to be told "you'll miss this" when you are in the middle of a crappy day. There are just some lessons in life that you can only learn when you live them. That is why I wish I had the wisdom of my mother when dealing with teenagers. Is it best to just ignore until age 18? Something to ponder on while I go now and paint Baby Girl's fingernails blue.

4 comments:

Kelly said...

BLUE?! Perhaps I am turning her into a teen all too fast :)

kgwen said...

Kelly, I was reading your bolg this morning and I think sometimes it's just good to be able to vent, and a blog is good for that. You do remember the good times and forget the bad mostly. When you see your own children going through the bad times it joggs your memory and your appreciate your non vomit in the nighttime sleep. But now you have other things, like hotflashes that wake you up. So life is just a process. Another thing that you are going through is a control issue. When your kids are pre- teens you have most of the control in their life. When they become teens that is all (well mostly) gone. They want to make their own decisions. They are growning up and sometimes their decisions are the complete opposite of what you would do because they want to show that they are independent of you. I've always thought that you get to instill your values for the first 11 to 14 years and then they get to practice using what they want of them the rest of the time. Then when they are adults they get to pay the price or reep the rewards of their choices they made, whether good or bad. It's hard to give up that power we used to have, but your teenagers will do better and not fight you as much if you give them all the choices they can possible make by themselves. There are times when you have to step in but try to let them make the little decisions in their life. Esxample: One of me kids asked me if he could do something that wasn't in my value system. I told them, "You know what's right and wrong, you decide, but I will not bail you out if you make the wrong choice." Or sometimes I tell them to go pray about it and see what they think they should do." That's a real killer for them. They will always make the right choices if they will do that. Then I am not the bad guy that always says "No."
One good thing to remember, that it seems like only one kid will give you grief at a time. I don't know why that is but I think the siblings see that you are all maxed out in the stress level and so the others back off. At least until it's their turn to be anoying. Good luck. One thing that helped me cope Kelly, is if I read my scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon, every day. I don't know what it is but it helped calm me down and do better with teenagers. Good luck. I know you can do it, just hang on and they will grow up. Remember when they turn 19 for some reason they enter the human race again and become civil, appreciative, (well maybe that comes when they are 20) and a joy to be around. Love ya. Your sister, Marie
P.S. I remember Mom saying that sometimes peace at any price isn't worth it. So if their is fighting at least they know you care and they don't get away with things they shouldn't be getting away with.
P.S. I figured out how to make comments all by myself. Amazing.

Kelly said...

Marie! I was hoping you would read this and comment! An answer to my prayers- you are amazing....

Kelly

Fresh Mommy said...

Awww, this is really a sweet post, and deep. I can truly see your heart in it. Aren't kids at that young age the sweetest! My girl does the same things and it touches me every single time! :)