I am sitting here reading blogs and I thought I would shoot you a love note/email. Today was Saturday and I gotta say that I was kinda proud of myself for the way things went with our children today. It wasn't perfect and there were the usual hardships. D lost his temper a few times. N argued with me and was disrespectful. A was clingy and sometimes annoying. E loved on me a lot and that helped, but there were tantrums, esp during mealtimes- what gives?! Middle Boy goofed off and hurt people. He also deviled the dog. But the difference was that I kept my cool. I got frustrated-yes, but I didn't loose it as I sometimes can. This isn't turning into a love email at all is it? More like a vent-mail, but I am getting to the love. It reminded me of the blessing you gave me that said 'my capacity to do would increase.' The other thing that came to mind was that saying about 'the nature of the thing not changing but our ability to achieve'...yada yada. I was getting myself something to eat since I got no popcorn with the kids (we had popcorn for dinner-yes; it was a late lunch/popcorn dinner day). And as I heated up my cheesy corn chips with salsa I felt warm and fuzzy about how things went today and I could almost here my mom telling me to hang in there and I was doing good. It brought a tear to my eye, and I realized that this experience was giving me the opportunities to change the things I don't like about myself. Those things being my impatience and temper with my kids. What a great thing eh? Will it stick? I haven't a clue. Was I good today? Yes!
We got outside on this lovely day two times. Once to walk Abby and return something to JL, where Big GIrl whined the whole time, and then the better time was when everyone joined in on a family bike ride. The go-bug has a flat, but it stays pumped up long enough for a ride. We had a lovely time even though the hills were killing me! N had to get off his bike and help me push up the hill to the swimming pool. Even then we had A get out. It was rough. N said to me at the end "it will be easier next time Mom" I couldn't help but think of his X-country expertise coming out just then. Then in the evening I asked both N and D to play their violins and it was like a concert to hear N play. He just kept going and going too! I had to actually ask him to stop so we could read scriptures (we are in the middle of Alma 31). The kids listened well. Maybe the music set a good tone. Tomorrow is fast Sunday and daylight savings time. Yeah an extra hour- that I will probably need.
Now about our love. I wanted to kiss you today. Especially when A and E were giving me big long kisses. I wanted to make food for you today. Especially when I read on a blog how someone has a crush on someone and they make a good sandwich for that person and it gets appreciated. I can make good sandwiches for my plucky. I wanted to call you plucky today when I decided that I will start calling A plucky in your absence, because I want her to feel loved and like she can be plucky (and not cry) when she wants to be. E was a good boy today and he reminded me of another second boy in his family who tried to be good when his older brother wasn't being good. (it's you). I don't want to go to bed without you- and my dad's pillow trick doesn't work for me. They don't smell like you. I can't talk to my pillows, and there's no one to poke fun at me. I would get a haircut, but there's no plucky to notice me. I would buy new make up, but who am I dolling up for? I miss and love you so much! Please be safe and smart while you are there and take good care of my #1 plucky.
Lots of LOVE
PS remember when you didn't know me? And then you did? Yes, me too : )